I’ve seen Mad Max. I’ve read The Road. I’ve played Fallout 3. If there is one thing I have learned it is this: the most valuable things in our post-apocalyptic nightmare will be that which we take for granted in our pre-apocalyptic comfort. Bottle caps are the currency of the Fallout world, pig shit keeps Thunderdome alive, and a coke can brings joy to young boy. Simple things given greater importance. When the lights go out, the water stops flowing, and there is no more food to loot from your nearest supermarket. When your iphone dies, your books become kindling, and you hear inhuman screaming in the night. This is when plastic bags will be the currency of the future. Utterly over-rated, today, and the unwavering target of zero waste zealots, plastic bags will become the most versatile thing. Ridiculously portable, they can carry most things a wandering survivor would need to have with them. Don’t want to dig a hole or to have to deal with your own fecal aroma? Don’t want to waste your time collecting rainwater with your shitty hands? Don’t want your deceased family pet going to waste? Like I said, the most versatile thing. This is why I have an entire filing cabinet drawer at work stuffed full of the plastic fuckers. The moment we get a bit of a tremor or bombs start falling, I am heading straight for the Kirks’ Cuisine Centre and I am taking all of that imported cheese, those Danish butter crackers and some white asparagus in a healthy selection of orange, white and gunmetal grey bags.
